I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
