Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
