found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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