didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
