i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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