I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
