Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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