Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
