Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
