I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You may now shotgun with the bride
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
