he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I've blown a few things in my day
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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