How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
