I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
