im holly from the hills drunk
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
