Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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