Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
