When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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