so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Randomize
