i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Found the puke drawer
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
