guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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