the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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