Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
