man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
