i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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