Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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