It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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