I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I love you. Go after that dick
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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