No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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