I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
