Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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