how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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