he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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