When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
