Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
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I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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