I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
