He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His hands were made for my vagina.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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