are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
