I will die if light touches me.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize