So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
