some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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