Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
