i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Found your dick twin last night
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
