this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
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I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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