1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
