Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
