She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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