either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
