I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
