FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
