I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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