Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
