I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
