i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
