Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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