Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
