ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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