Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
