I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
