thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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