somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
