just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
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I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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