Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
what day is it and did you see me today?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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