YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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