That's when you crack a 10am beer
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
