I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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