I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
