yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
