Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
