Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
