I'm so fucking centered right now
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
