she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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