I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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