Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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