The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I could make wine with my vomit
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
