Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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