im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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