oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
