why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
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