i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
