im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
