Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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