i love accidental penises.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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