Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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