I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
