The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
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Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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