How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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