hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
