I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can you bring me the toilet please
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
