i already hear my dad disowning me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
