so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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