Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
