the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
