Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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