i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
