I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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