We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
